domingo, 21 de septiembre de 2008

¿Nos hacemos una paja?...

Curso escolar 1.972-1.973, Colegio de San Jerónimo, 7º curso de E.G.B., un día cualquiera en clase de religión.
D. Salvador se dirigía sudoroso a sus alumnos quienes se las hacíamos pasar canutas con nuestras incómodas preguntas, todas ellas relacionadas con los actos impuros que hacían pecar contra el sexto mandamiento.
-sobarse los genitales o masturbarse, aparte de ser pecado, es una porquería que te puede acarrear graves problemas con la vista, e incluso la ceguera-.
Y las miradas de todos los alumnos se volvieron hacia Villaverdeera el único que tenía gafas, y además de las de culo de botella.
Una mano se alzó pidiendo permiso para hablar
-¿qué quieres Giadás?-.
-¿y qué es masturbarse?- preguntó el simpático de la clase.
Una buena pregunta y de la que todos teníamos una idea más o menos aproximada de por donde iba la respuesta.
La voz aflautada de Rilo se escuchó desde la última fila de pupitres –es hacerse una paja, imbécil-. Y los 35 alumnos estallamos en una sonora carcajada.
D. Salvador puso orden en la clase y la dio por concluida cuando sonó el timbre, dejando sin responder la pregunta de Giadás, y al resto con la duda.
Fuera del aula, cinco o seis alumnos hicimos corro alrededor de Villaverde, que aparte de repetir curso llevaba gafas, así que nadie mejor que él para sacarnos de la duda.
-¿cómo se hace una paja, Villaverde?-.
-sacudiéndote la picha-.
-¡ostras!, pues yo me la sacudo siempre después de mear
- dijo Otero.
-¡toma!, como todos… hasta tres sacudidas es lo normal, pero si la sacudes más de tres ya es una paja-.
-pues mi primo el mayor dice que para ser paja te la tienes que sacudir por lo menos una docena de veces. Y tiene 16 años, por eso lo sabe
-, apuntó García, que por ser el listo y el chapón de la clase su razonamiento adquiría el valor de una lección.
-¿tú primo tiene gafas?-, preguntó Martínez.
-no-.
-pues Villaverde sí y mira que cristales más gordos, así que si Villaverde dice que es a partir de tres, es a partir de tres-,
lo dijo Seoane, y como era el macarrilla de la clase, su razonamiento fue incuestionable y la reunión se dio por concluida.
Caminaba para casa en compañía de Casal cuando a éste le entró una repentina gana de mear. Se apartó del camino, se puso frente a un muro y me llamó.
-¡eh, Losada!... ¿y si nos hacemos una paja?...-
-vale- respondí sin dudarlo y me puse a su lado.
Cuando la última gota de orina salió de su miembrillo, comenzó a sacudírsela sin piedad y luego estar un rato haciéndolo se vuelve a dirigir a mi.
-no sé tío, empiezo a pensar que ni Villaverde ni el primo de García saben lo que es una paja, porque debo llevar unas 30 sacudidas y aun no le pillo el gusto… ¿y tú que tal?-.
-yo aún no empecé porque no me da salido el meo-.
Casal dejó lo que se traía entre manos volviéndose hacia mí con una cara entre incrédulo y asombrado, me dijo algo y fue la segunda cosa relacionada con el sexo que aprendí ese mismo día.
-¡ostras tío, eres impotente!...-

_____


Nota:
Los oftalmólogos aseguran que el uso de gafas no tiene nada que ver con la masturbación.

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